I usually hate most of the so-called 'cute' messages many women forward in emails to other women. I find them irritating and condescending, and some are just plain badly written, not funny at all, and just sappy.

The one below is a bit more realistic and therefore IS amusing...

POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

My adult heart breaks with the recognition of her age as the child in me wants to pull at her skirts to look upon her as she was when I was a little girl. The tears that blur my vision smooth the deep creases in her face and leave her skin appearing as flawless as fresh cream poured into a porcelain saucer. I don't want to blink. I am not ready for her to be old.

A woman writes about the passing of the torch between mother and daughter...

I am so sorry to hear about Aunt Pat's episodes. It's very difficult to say what is causing them, to be perfectly frank. Even a neurologist might only be able to say it's probably dementia-related. There is so much about the human brain we just don't understand. It's quite possible that Aunt Pat is dreaming and just can't tell the difference between dreaming and reality anymore. I can imagine that line being easily blurred if you are older, your energy much less, your body including your mind not working as well as it used to, etc. I can also imagine how painful it is to watch someone you love go through that. I hope Delphine does go ahead and gets married, that she is able to share these concerns with her husband-to-be, and that he can be a blessing to her in this difficult time...

Otherwise
by Jane Kenyon

I got out of bed
on two strong legs.
It might have been
otherwise. I ate
cereal, sweet
milk, ripe, flawless
peach. It might
have been otherwise.
I took the dog uphill
to the birch wood.
All morning I did
the work I love.

At noon I lay down
with my mate. It might
have been otherwise.
We ate dinner together
at a table with silver
candlesticks. It might
have been otherwise.
I slept in a bed
in a room with paintings
on the walls, and
planned another day
just like this day.
But one day, I know,
it will be otherwise.

He told me I already had -- my name was always, already written down in the Book, on high. I, sometime I think I'm seeing all the people right now, 'cause they in my dreams so much, and I believe this is the way you're gonna see your family.

This quote, from my earlier post about a daughter watching her mother slip away, is from the mother herself. It caught my eye because it reminded me of something. It then dawned on me it's because it's similar to what Mom says about dreams. Sleep is a blessing to her, because she is with those she loves in them, especially Dad...

"I remember my childhood watching you work hard to make life easier for me. I remember you making a home out of a house -- houses -- condemned. I heard you outside in the chill of the morning chopping wood to make a fire, so that the house would be warm when I got out of bed. I heard you singing in the kitchen and the smell of food cooking to feed me. I saw you come home tired from working all day every day, to ensure we had money to meet our needs."

"I believe while I was sleeping, you were up praying. I know now how when I complained about the shoes I wore and my clothes being hand-me-down or out of style, that I really had a hidden treasure -- a treasure more valuable than brand name materials. I know now that clothes will either out – I will either outgrow and/or fashion will continue to change, shoes will become old and worn, but love is from everlasting to everlasting."

"You represent the tree by the rivers of waters bearing fruits of the spirit of God. I glorify God in his infinite wisdom that created love and called it 'Mother.'"

A daughter writes about - and remembers - her mother, as she watches her die...

I know exactly what my cousin Delphine means. I'm seeing it more and more with my Mom (who is the sister to her mom...) My sister Betty and I visit at least every other week together with Mom, but periodically also pop in at other times. Inbetween we maintain contact with the facility she lives in to make sure things are OK for her and how she's doing.

However, it's getting increasingly difficult to just visit with her, to hold a conversation, to find things to even talk about. How many times can you comfort someone about losing their spouse whom they loved so much? The words have long ago become empty as you say them because you know they don't help. You go through the motions and end up feeling horrible and you don't know why. You try to do all the right things but you feel like you've done the opposite.

We're in a new age where people are living longer, but not necessarily living better. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that if I face old age, I will make sure I plan things so I suffer least, and burden less. Exactly how I will do this, I am exploring as we speak, but I don't want to just exist, and exist in pain. It does no honor to anyone...

My mother Alberta, or Pat, is in a nursing home. She will soon be 92 on July 13th. I take her out to get her hair done once a week. We usually go on Tuesday, but I was out of town so made I it for Thursday this week. She is usually so eager to get out and after the hairdresser I take her out to eat.

When I got to the nursing home Thursday, Mom was sound asleep in her wheelchair. I called her name and she looked up at me sort of blankly. I said, "Are you ready to go get our hair done?"

She said in a very low voice that I could hardly hear, "I guess I am supposed to, huh?"

I said, "Well, we were supposed to go Tuesday, but I was gone so I have one for today which is Thursday."

She said, "What day is it?"

I said, "Thursday. Do you want to go or are you too tired?"

Again in a very weak and low voice she said, "Too tired. I guess I'll wait 'til Tuesday."

So I went alone. I'm not even sure she realized it was me or just thought I was one of the nurses waking her up to take her vitals again...

Over 10 years ago when Mom's third husband was living she had some surgery done on a tear duct. For some reason that eye lid over the tear duct is now severely inflamed. So I talked to her nurse and asked her to have the doctor look at it and maybe prescribe some drops or something. Her first comment was, who is her eye doctor? I told her who it is but I said he is in Las Cruces which is 75 miles away and I cannot and will not take Mom there as she is almost totally incontinent now and even though she has protection and I have a rubber sheet in my car I can't take her that far and be gone for that many hours with her incontinency. I just want the doctor here to see what he can do.

Recently Mom fell somehow and fractured two ribs. No one saw her or discovered that she fell but she complained about her side hurting so I took her for x-rays and sure enough she had two fractured ribs. I was then gone for two weeks on a trip. When I came home I asked how her side was and she looked at me puzzled. She had no memory at all that she had been in such pain with the ribs. Then just two days later she fell again and this time the nurse found her on the floor. She bumped her head and got a small cut over one eye. Face turned black and blue and she bent her glasses real bad so I took her to the optometrist and he straightened her glasses. I worry about the time that she will have one of these falls and really break her hip or some such thing. She is failing daily now and for a lady who never looked her years before, they are really piling up now; the age is coming through.

[Posted for Delphine]

We're all going to die. The question is, until then, how will we live? Kitty spent her last months doing the things she loved with the people she loved. She endured pain and discomfort as her body broke down, but nothing overwhelming, thanks to modern pain medications. And in her last days, the people surrounding her, her family and her hospice caregivers, were determined to treat her with dignity, tender care, and love. And that's exactly what they did.

In connection with yesterday's post, I came across this today. It made me think of how Betty couldn't understand (can any us?) why God allows people to hang onto life past when they want to be here. The story addresses how people can make the very end more comforting, that compassion is so important because when we help others we're helping ourselves. But it still doesn't address what comes before. What comes between 'life', and 'the waiting room'. For many people, one doesn't transition neatly into the other. Sometimes there are periods that can last for years where people's bodies are here, but their spirit is gone.

Da Mouse says:
want to hear about Mom today?
BettyBoop says:
Yes, write me about it and I will be right back.
Da Mouse says:
Picked Mom up at 2pm, wasn't awake. Got her up by 2:30 (!) After much hassle with wheelchairs and walkers and parking and...sigh...got her there 5 min late to have her have to go potty. Eventually saw Dr. Tufte. Glacoma good, eyes not bad. Got subscription that couldn't be filled there. Had to go to vision assoc in center mall. more hassles. Got ice cream at ColdStone, more potty trips...and poop mess I had to wipe her down and clean best I could...her glasses will be in in 10 days, I pick up or they mail, can't remember which. I took Eventide staff to task about losing them before and risk now. I was told to talk to management. I'll research what other institutions have done for kleptomaniac geriatrics and suggest they do the same!! Someone stealing hearing aids, dentures...and glasses, three of a person's most expensive things, as they say happens 'often', is NOT acceptable...
BettyBoop says:
Wholly cow what a day!! You have more patience and love to handle Mom than I am afraid I do. I am ashamed to admit. Where was the poopy mess at?
Da Mouse says:
Coldstone
BettyBoop says:
How did she react?
Da Mouse says:
We just laughed because it smelled so bad and I made a big fuss about that as I cleaned her up, better to laugh than cry...
BettyBoop says:
so true. Would there have been anyway at all to have had Eventide have her at least ready? I have you have tried before but man!!
Da Mouse says:
I pointed out to Eventide that no glasses directly affects her quality of life, she has little that makes her happy and reading is one of them and she can't read if her glasses keep getting 'lost'
BettyBoop says:
And, did she have a diaper on? What did they say then, about the glasses after that comment?
Da Mouse says:
They had her dressed, but she was sleeping...yes, she had diaper on...I took pad for carseat, but forgot spare diaper this time and will try to remember next time, IF there is a next time...They didn't say much, but looked sheepish. What CAN they say? It was shortly after that that she suggested talking to 'manager', and I said will they have anything new to say, I doubt it...I said that out loud to her face...muttered, asked if there was anything else she needed to know about Dr., said goodbye...
BettyBoop says:
at least you spoke your peace
Da Mouse says:
yes, I did, and I didn't lose my cool, but I probably sounded disgusted and frustrated, but nothing wrong with that. I think it would be wrong NOT to stand up for Mom. I will keep you posted after talking to Eventide management, and after I finish research. I'm finding there is a lot about kleptomania and the elderly, but haven't found any ideas for dealing with it in nursing home setting yet...
BettyBoop says:
I have a question.
Da Mouse says:
The thing is, they care for them with love, but they are not trained for addressing mental issues and they have many to deal with, with a dementia unit. Eventide doesn't appear to be very advanced in that regard, unless they're hiding their light under a bushel basket and I'm just not aware of it!
BettyBoop says:
I have often thought myself and wonder if Mom thinks of it too......people want to feel loved and needed. BOTH. When you are in Mom's position in life you do not feel needed anymore. So why does God allow the elderly to have to live this way? I am often puzzled by this. I only ask for others input.
Da Mouse says:
I was just thinking that today myself. Mom often asks it, too, did you know that? She feels there's not point to just existing, and that's what she feels she is doing. I dunno, Betty, I really don't. Maybe it's just the way it is for some people because of their mindset. Maybe if Mom had the ability to get over the hump about missing Dad, she would feel better about herself and life in genera
BettyBoop says:
But why? Why, does God still want them here?
Da Mouse says:
She told me today when I said, I always thought of you as strong and having a great self-esteem, and she said, "No more..." Well, that just makes me think that as nice as her love for Dad was, it was in a way unhealthy. You shouldn't wrap up your whole life in one person. You need to be whole yourself before you can give yourself to another. Grieving for Dad is one thing, but Mom is in a way grieving for herself, for the person she wishes she had been? or was?
BettyBoop says:
For some benefit to us??
Da Mouse says:
Hard to say...The weird thing is, she grieves like someone who has no hope, which if you think about it, if she was thinking like a Christian, she would have comfort in seeing Dad again, just miss him now. She grieves like there is no hope...
BettyBoop says:
I agree with what you said above. I think about Bill and if he dies before me; I cherish him as much and now we have lived together 35 years and hopefully make it to 50; but I want a quality of life even after. I want to grieve but not wallow it forever. [I know. I have seen the same in her and she even questions heaven and God...her whole being of her faith and desire for anything of God is gone.]
Da Mouse says:
Which isn't surprising since she has had anger as a friend all her life, to coin a phrase. Where it came from initially, I would love to know. Anger just doesn't appear out of nowhere. There is something way back there, and darned if I know what it might be...
BettyBoop says:
me either....but I never thought she would end up like this.
Da Mouse says:
Dad saw something in her when she was in the flower of her youth, a happiness he brought out in her, and she reflected back at him. He saw something we'll never see, but I can imagine, and when I look into their faces in their early photographs, I smile, because I can glimpse a wee bit of it then, and know they were so happy...
BettyBoop says:
I feel just the same. I see in Mom's eyes and lost soul. One with fear and saddness.
Da Mouse says:
yep
BettyBoop says:
a lost soul and a sadness that swells over me; that I don't want to embrace... and have no choice.
Da Mouse says:
ain't it the truth...you can abandon your parents, but they'd still be in your mind and heart...
BettyBoop says:
thanks for being there and listening. Bets
Da Mouse says:
same here. I sound tough, but I'm a softy at heart
BettyBoop says:
OHHHH, I know that