Tuesday, September 30, 2003

I will soon have legal guardianship of my Mom. I have to say this is the hardest thing I have ever done. I hate taking all her rights away but she is so irrational & dementia seems to get worse by the day. She called me last night after I had seen her at noon & brought her a nice KFC dinner & said this place(the nursing home) is falling apart & I've seen it coming for a long time. She told me they were all starving in there as they had no food. Told me to get up there as she was leaving & going home to have something to eat as she was so hungry. I called the home back & Mom had already had supper & in fact people were still eating.

The adjustment is hard enough but about the time Daryl, Audrey & I get her convinced it's the place she needs to be Her so called "friends" from the bar go to see her & they convince her she needs to get out of there & they will help her do so. This gets her all riled up & agitated & she tries to leave. Which of course sets the sensors off since they had to put them on her after trying to constantly leave the facility.

Her "friends" have also succeeded in having the nursing home block all her calls as her friend "Bill" who took her out one day was blocked from visiting & calling to keep him from keeping her agitated. So their friends were making calls then putting Bill on the phone.

They know mom only on the drinking & social level & don't see her dysfunctional side & think she doesn't need to be there. However by encouraging her to get out & promising her they will help her get out, they will only succeed In possibly getting her sent to Las Cruces & be put in lockdown. It's hard enough without their interference. Would like to convince them they need to stay out of it but maybe better to leave it alone.

Monday, September 22, 2003

An article about a new film named "Assisted Living" intrigues me. Anything that can touch hearts and make laughter out of a situation that too often produces anger and depression is worth seeing...

Saturday, September 20, 2003

The latest on My Mom is----She called me Wed. night All agitated & angry. Told me to get right in my car & get to the nursing home immediately as she was leaving there right now. I said you can't Mom you have to stay there. She said NO I DON'T it's against the law to keep me here & I can leave whenever I want to. I said No Mom you can't & I'm not taking you out. She Got really angry & said she was leaving one way or another. Then hung up. I called the home back & she had once again tried to go out the front door but they of course stopped her. Talked to the Nurse & she said Mom had been content all day & had no idea what had triggered her behavior all of a sudden. But they were going to give her a couple beers & calm her down & it'd be O.K.

Last night (Fri.) she called again. I'm applying for guardianship on all the professionals advice. & Mom's atty. just came to see her yesterday. She called & first words to me were "what the Hell are you trying to do to me?" I said why? She told me of the atty. Asked why the hell didn't you tell me about this. I said Mom you got all the papers on it a couple weeks ago, Karen (the soc. worker) told you what it was about, I've told you a couple times about it. It's what I have to do to make your financial & medical decisions. She had no memory at all of getting & reading the papers, no memory of Karen or me talking to her about it. Just repeated again she wishes I would have told her about it & again I said Mom I did I can't help it if you don't remember it, & that's exactly why we couldn't just do power of atty. instead, because you have to know & remember you gave it & you can't so I had to go this route.

Told her she already had her "visitor" too that represents her & that was all part of it too. Had no memory of that either. I told her the papers are right on her table if she wanted to look at them again. She said you mean at home? I said no you were given the papers there where you are. They are on that little table by your bed. Go look at them. She admitted she has no memory but said when she gets upset everything comes clear, yet it doesn't come too clear or why doesn't she remember it all.

Every now & then she'll say she woke up this morning & she is just fine as her memory has come back completely & she remembers everything & should be able to go home now.

Heard from my atty. by email last night & the "visitor" who talked to Mom is recommending to the court that I be given guardianship. Got the report from Mom's dr. also advising guardianship. So if we ever get a court date it should be over. Meanwhile Mom's bills are piling up & I can't do anything about them.

Monday, September 15, 2003

Mom seems to be becoming more morose, obsessing about Dad...beyond normal grief. I still feel it's in connection with her mental state in general. Age-induced dementia creeping in more and more, her life-long emotional fragility, and her deep grief for the loss of Dad, all contribute to her withdrawal from life mixed with deep-seated anger at her circumstances. She lashes out at family members not present, when I'm with her. One day she's thankful for where she lives, the next she hates it. I am not where she is...yet. But I can imagine being thankful for having something, but still hating not having another preferred choice. It's always easier to complain than be positive!

This past week, we're realizing it might not be long before Mom may need skilled care. It could be a long time. Hard to say. But things slowly but surely are changing.

I wrote to my sisters tonight, saying...

Betty and I dropped off vinyl mattress and pillow covers tonight for Mom's bed which will be used in conjunction with on-top pads, as well as pull-ups at night only (for now). Night only for now because that's all it appears she needs them for since she can still get to the bathroom in the daytime, only has limited incontinence in the daytime, so pads should be enough. This will save money since pull-ups are very pricey.

Betty brought a battery charger. We tried jumping but no go. Tomorrow I'll go back over and (hopefully) get the car started. We'll then go get the car washed and vacuumed, if not before Saturday, then ON Saturday (since Don's Car Wash may not be available in the evenings after my work during the weekdays, and I ain't washing/vacuuming this out myself...sorry, I'm too old and lazy...!)

There is NO current registration, plate tags, and insurance on the car. If we do this, we do this risking a ticket and an accident. If anyone has anything to say before we try this, say it now! The car looks pretty clean to me anyways, but it's up to majority rules...Let me know your thoughts on this. Yes, we _could_ look into short-term insurance, but I say it's not worth it - a lot of trouble plus money Mom can't afford. I say, take a chance, OR leave it parked until a person is interested, drives it, and buys it...

Mom doesn't know it yet, but we are going to try the hairdresser there for her soon. I say 'soon' because I know Mom likes Alice, likes to get out, etc., but the problem with having a set appointment is that it's not always possible to get Mom them when she's in 'sleeping mode', which is unfair to Alice. Alice has been more than reasonable with Mom missing appointments here and there, sometimes 2 in a row. And if that is all there was to it, that would be one thing, but Mom is increasingly becoming internalized, either obsessing on Dad and weeping, repeating 'love of my life' over and over, you don't know what to say or do, there IS nothing to say or do. She also gets very mean and talks about other people negatively which I hate hearing. In other words, it's not only not fun, it's painful to be with her. Physical ailments can be coped with. Grieving can be coped with and the person passed on talked about and cherished. But Mom's reactions are becoming increasingly more negative and hard to deal with on an emotional level for her and for me. Both of you would not like it (you probably have had it happen to a degree yourselves, probably, right?) being with Mom, her saying "I want to be dead..." over and over, crying, saying cruel hurtful things about you both. I'd rather be able to call Mom or just drop in on her when there is no deadline to get to a hair appointment, and if she's in a good mood, THEN take her out. HAVING to take her out, even when dead asleep and rousing her, lifting her, which isn't easy, etc., and/or coping with deep grief and/or anger...no, life is too short you guys. I'll try taking her to Alice this week and even next, but the first time I hit another snag, that is it...