Otherwise
by Jane Kenyon

I got out of bed
on two strong legs.
It might have been
otherwise. I ate
cereal, sweet
milk, ripe, flawless
peach. It might
have been otherwise.
I took the dog uphill
to the birch wood.
All morning I did
the work I love.

At noon I lay down
with my mate. It might
have been otherwise.
We ate dinner together
at a table with silver
candlesticks. It might
have been otherwise.
I slept in a bed
in a room with paintings
on the walls, and
planned another day
just like this day.
But one day, I know,
it will be otherwise.

He told me I already had -- my name was always, already written down in the Book, on high. I, sometime I think I'm seeing all the people right now, 'cause they in my dreams so much, and I believe this is the way you're gonna see your family.

This quote, from my earlier post about a daughter watching her mother slip away, is from the mother herself. It caught my eye because it reminded me of something. It then dawned on me it's because it's similar to what Mom says about dreams. Sleep is a blessing to her, because she is with those she loves in them, especially Dad...

"I remember my childhood watching you work hard to make life easier for me. I remember you making a home out of a house -- houses -- condemned. I heard you outside in the chill of the morning chopping wood to make a fire, so that the house would be warm when I got out of bed. I heard you singing in the kitchen and the smell of food cooking to feed me. I saw you come home tired from working all day every day, to ensure we had money to meet our needs."

"I believe while I was sleeping, you were up praying. I know now how when I complained about the shoes I wore and my clothes being hand-me-down or out of style, that I really had a hidden treasure -- a treasure more valuable than brand name materials. I know now that clothes will either out – I will either outgrow and/or fashion will continue to change, shoes will become old and worn, but love is from everlasting to everlasting."

"You represent the tree by the rivers of waters bearing fruits of the spirit of God. I glorify God in his infinite wisdom that created love and called it 'Mother.'"

A daughter writes about - and remembers - her mother, as she watches her die...

I know exactly what my cousin Delphine means. I'm seeing it more and more with my Mom (who is the sister to her mom...) My sister Betty and I visit at least every other week together with Mom, but periodically also pop in at other times. Inbetween we maintain contact with the facility she lives in to make sure things are OK for her and how she's doing.

However, it's getting increasingly difficult to just visit with her, to hold a conversation, to find things to even talk about. How many times can you comfort someone about losing their spouse whom they loved so much? The words have long ago become empty as you say them because you know they don't help. You go through the motions and end up feeling horrible and you don't know why. You try to do all the right things but you feel like you've done the opposite.

We're in a new age where people are living longer, but not necessarily living better. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that if I face old age, I will make sure I plan things so I suffer least, and burden less. Exactly how I will do this, I am exploring as we speak, but I don't want to just exist, and exist in pain. It does no honor to anyone...