An IM* conversation between Trish aka Da Mouse (Harriet's daughter) and Delphine (Pat's daughter) earlier today:

Delphine says:
Won't keep you just wondered what kind of care your mom gets. Do they keep her bathed or do they let her refuse to be washed?
Da Mouse says:
To be honest, I'm not sure. I think residents can refuse. But they have a far more structured place at Eventide than they did at Moorhead Manor. It was more casual at the Manor and they didn't like to force issues. They try to make things more routine at Eventide.
Delphine says:
I had to get my Atty after them here as Mom stunk so bad Tues. It was awful. My car still stinks My Atty called them and said my guardianship says that I say mom takes showers & that Mom was proven in court unable to make rational decisions as to her care and they bathe Mom & don't give her the option to say no, she said if I have any more trouble she will get after them again.
Da Mouse says:
I would be angry about that, too.
Delphine says:
She is incontinent and stunk of pee when I got her then she wet while the hairdresser was combing out her hair. Thank fully I had bought a rubber sheet and keep on the seat of my car just in case. But they tried to tell she hasn't been incontinent but I see her pee soaked pants all the time. They now put her in a pull up type diaper.
Da Mouse says:
I don't take Mom to an outside hairdresser anymore. She has too many accidents and it's just too difficult.
Delphine says:
I'm afraid I can't much longer either as Mom was so weak Tues. When we left the beauty shop I had to literally shove her into the car from her wheel chair. She couldn't get her legs under at all. She stunk so bad on top of it that I took her right back to the nursing home. Had to get a man to come out & lift her out of the car into the wheel chair.
Da Mouse says:
It's painful to see our mothers this way. I know Mom tells me it stinks getting old, and I can't say I can argue with her.
Delphine says:
You got that right. Unless something happens to us & we die younger we have that to look ahead to. I just hope my mind doesn't go. I think Mom could still be at home if her mind hadn't gone. She probably wouldn't be helpless then either as she would have walked around but she has just let the wheel chair take over now...

*IM - Instant Messenger