Wednesday, August 06, 2003

Our mother's sister, Alberta, is nine years older than Mom (which makes Alberta, aka Aunt Pat, 90 years old...) In recent weeks, Aunt Pat had a stroke which was severe enough to incapitate her, making it necessary to put in her skilled care at least temporarily. With hard work, she has improved noticably, but is still frail physically, and even more tenuous mentally. A male friend, whether from true affection or selfish motivations, is fighting for her to return home, against the immediate family's wishes. It's causing a lot of tension, anger, and STRESS, as you might imagine. Below is a bit of what's been going on as explained by Aunt Pat's daughter Delphine in emails to my sisters and I, as well as responses to her from us...


From: Del
To: Betty
Sent: Wednesday, August 06, 2003 9:24 AM
Subject: Anger

When you first put your mom in asstisted care, I know there was tremendous Anger on her part. She called Mom numerous times & was so mad.

Boy, my Mom is raising cain. & Bill sure didn't help. He is now out of the house & banned from the care center. On Saturday he took it upon himself to go to the home & take Mom out. She had a security bracelet on but he told the gal he was just going out for a smoke. So she let them out & he took Mom right to the car & home.

It was quite a day as Mom wouldn't budge & Bill had a loaded arsenal of guns & threatened to blow us all away if we tried to take her. He has Mom convinced we all hate her, are trying to get rid of her, that he's the only one who loves her & we have her in a facility equal to a Nazi prison camp. "Only thing missing is the swastikas on the wall..."

Nursing home had to call in the police since they were responsible should she get hurt. She walks now but very weak & not very far.

The police sargeant finally talked her into going with him to the hospital to make sure she was O.K. All sorts of social workers got involved. I have no power as Mom would not give me any as she thought you guys did your folks dirt with Sharon's power of atty.

Anyhow she raved about suicide & all so it got down to either being taken to Las Cruces in handcuffs by police to a psych ward or calming down & going back to the nursing home. So we finally got her back in the home.

Everyone - police, social workers, hospital staff, and nursing home staff - all say I need to get Legal guardianship. I went to a lawyer on Tuesday with doctor letters & told him the story; he says I have no grounds for guardianship, that I need a doctor to actually state she needs it & then still have to prove it in a court of law.

All I can say is if she manages to go back home I am going to insist on some sort of document that I am not responsible for what ever happens.

Would you please forward this to Trish too as I don't know how to send to more than one & don't want to write it all over.

Love Del


That is SO nuts, what they're making you go through. I think I can speak for Betty and I, having gone through a similar but not as bad situation with our Mom (I'm not sure you know about it, but Mom also had a fit once and was taken to psych ward for a week of evaluation, etc., but no guns were involved!), that we have great sympathy for what you're going through! It's definitely analogous to parents and rebelous teens, except the teens are the elderly parents. We get it from both ends...!! I'm leaving explicit word to shoot me if I try that crap when I'm older...!