Different Paths

Harriet stayed at home (mostly). Pat was a career woman (mostly). Of course, things were not that simple, but that's how outsiders would see it looking at the overall picture.

Harriet had a job when she left home thanks in part to her older sister taking her under her wing. She worked for Ma Bell, as a phone operator. She had a short taste of being young, free, and independent. She always said it was a good thing to do, and encouraged all her daughters to at least do the same. She eventually became a homemaker, but always kept busy making money either through growing produce to sell, taking in sewing, selling eggs...or later working for the County as a Homemaker*.

Pat worked for many years in the offices of the J.C. Penney store in downtown Bemidji, Minnesota. The quintessential career woman, she was a bundle of energy with a great sense of humour.

All through their lives, they have been best of friends, not just sisters. Different choices, but their ties as sisters run deep - Mom, the little sister, and Aunt Pat, the big sister...

*A Homemaker was a person who basically travelled all over our very rural northern county to people that were underserved, undereducated, homebound, etc., and taught them about personal finance, how to keep a clean house, and even personal hygiene. I accompanied my Mom sometimes on days off from school during the winter months to see what she did for her work, and witnessed her helping many people, including the disabled and the elderly. She even did simple but much appreciated things like setting ladies' hair to help them look nice. In return, one lady showed her a new type of embroidery that she grew to love and share by making things for the family and giving away. She was very proud of that last job, which helped pay off debts so she and Dad could enjoy their retirement sooner. When they broke up housekeeping in 2001, she still had a few items from her old Homemaker job that I ran across...

It's really strange how a person can notice coincidences (or whatever word it is that would describe this...) about the most mundane things, and you really wonder if it matters or if you're just making something out of nothing, but...

I've been reading a book lately called "Charlotte", about the acclaimed actress Charlotte Charke ne Cibber, an 18th century London actress of certain renown. During a period of her career, she worked with Henry Fielding, who at that time was writing many satiric plays, many of which she starred in. Fielding later went on to write "Tom Jones", of which there is a character I discovered today, when Googling my mother's name, named Harriet Fitzpatrick. Harriet is my mother's first or Christian name. Fitzpatrick was her maiden surname.

I found it a bit strange to find out that while reading this book at this moment, and also thinking about my mother and the holidays coming up, that I find out her namesake is a character created by a real-life character in the very book I am reading.

Strange, indeed.

Charlton Heston shared with the world today that he may be in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's...

[Sharon, Betty, and I have been told that our Mother is in the same situation. Only autopsy post-mortem can confirm it currently. But all the tests Mom has been through is leading the doctors to believe she is showing early signs of a dementia. I want to appreciate every moment we are given with her...]

---

``My dear friends, colleagues and fans, my physicians have recently told me I may have a neurological disorder whose symptoms are consistent with Alzheimer's disease. So I wanted to prepare a few words for you now because when the time comes I may not be able to.

I've lived my whole life on the stage and screen before you. I found purpose and meaning in your response. For an actor, there is no greater loss than the loss of his audience. I can part the Red Sea, but I can't part with you, which is why I won't exclude you from this stage in my life.

For now, I'm not changing anything. I'll insist on work when I can. The doctors will insist on rest when I must. If you see a little less spring in my step, if your name fails to leap to my lips, you'll know why. And if I tell you a funny story for the second time, please, laugh anyway.

I am neither giving up nor giving in. I believe I am still the fighter that Dr. King and JFK and Ronald Reagan knew. But it's a fight I must someday call a draw.

I must reconcile courage and surrender in equal measure. Please, feel no sympathy for me. I don't. I just may be a little less accessible to you, despite my wishes.

I also want you to know I am grateful beyond measure. My life has been blessed with good fortune. I'm grateful that I was born in America, that cradle of freedom and opportunity, where a kid from the Michigan Northwoods can work hard and make something of his life.

I am grateful for the gift of the greatest words ever written that let me share with you the infinite scope of the human experience. As an actor, I'm thankful that I've lived not one life, but many.

Above all, I'm proud of my family. My wife Lydia, the queen of my heart, my children, Fraser and Holly, and my beloved grandchildren, Jack, Ridley and Charlie. They're my biggest fans, my toughest critics and my proudest achievement. Through them I can touch immortality.

Finally, I'm confident about the future of America. I believe in you. I know that the future of our country, our culture and our children is in good hands. I know you will continue to meet adversity with strength and resilience as our ancestors did and come through with flying colors--the ones on Old Glory.

William Shakespeare, at the end of his career, wrote his farewell through the words of Prospero in ``The Tempest.'' It ends like this:
'Be cheerful, sir.

Our revels now are ended. These our actors,

As I foretold you, were all spirits and

Are melted into air, into thin air;

And, like the baseless fabric of this vision,

The cloud-capp'd towers, the gorgeous palaces,

The solemn temples, the great globe itself,

Yea all which it inherit, shall dissolve

And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,

Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff

As dreams are made on, and our little life

Is rounded with a sleep.'

Thank you, and God bless you, everyone.''

I recently contacted Denise from Caregivers.com requesting that this blog be added to her links section. Denise responded by asking my sisters and I to participate in an interview of sorts via email about our blog. I gladly accepted and below are my set of answers...

1. How did your blog start? Had any of you had previous experience with a blog? Is there one person who is the IT department, so to speak, of your blog?

My Dad passed away on August 8, 2001. It was because of the stressful months leading up to his death, and those after, that led me to writing down my thoughts. I define myself as a Writer. I can't remember a time when the written word, either as literature I read, or writing I did as some form of expression, wasn't a big part of my life. [The very subject I'm writing about - my mother - was a huge influence on my awakening, exposing me to stories back as far as I can remember. My father made up bedtime stories and took me out of myself. He played roleplaying games with me where he was Hawkeye and I was Chingascook in the woods by our home...] It was very natural to extend what I already do with other parts of my life and express my feelings and thoughts about this part of my life. That sounds strange to me, because I think of it as sharing more about my MOTHER'S life, not mine, but of course, it's all intertwined.
Yes, I have other blogs, several others (The Journey and Writer's Block are examples...)

I am the IT department; I do IT as a living and set up all the writers as part of my blog team, etc.

2. Did you worry about sharing personal information in such a public format? The honesty of your blog is just wonderful, but did you worry about any repercussions from your families?

No. I'm an open book to anyone. I see nothing to be ashamed of, of being human. Sharing is healthy for me, for my family, and for others that read it. No, I have not worried about repercussions from family. But then, our family is very open and honest and I can't imagine anyone being bothered (there are other family members that read it but don't write for it...)

3. How has writing the blog affected you? And, affected your relationships with your mothers?

Writing for the blog helps me to see events in a broader perspective. It allows me to vent when there are emotional periods, and then come back to them and see them in a more realistic light. Sometimes that does NOT happen. Sometimes things are just tough, and there is no getting around that. In the end, I think I can speak here not only for myself but for my sisters and our cousin, we all realize things are just as they are and we get on with life. I personally think that's the Irish in us. We're all very strong, independent, intelligent, IRISH women.

4. Have you been surprised by any events or incidents that have occurred because of your blog? Any unexpected surprises--good or bad?

I can't say I've been surprised by any of it. When I started it, I started it for myself because I needed to. Then I started thinking, my sisters may benefit from this also, and the dynamics of multiple voices vs. a single voice got me excited. I invited them first, then later my cousin after my Mom's sister began having similar problems. It's been as good as I hoped - i.e., I hoped it would provide a place to unburden, a place to enlighten, a place to share with each other and with perfect strangers, and to be positive in our lives generally. It has been all that. My sisters and I, and especially our cousin, are talking more than ever. We now have weekly 'family chats' on my Family website I created .

5. Have you committed to a writing schedule in your blog? Do you write as often as you need? Or at certain times during a day or week?

No writing schedule. We all write when the spirit moves us.

6. What suggestions can you offer to other family caregivers considering creating their own blog? Any pointers you can share so they get off to a good start?

Have a central point of contact/IT person like we did. It makes administering the blog much easier!

Use one of the blogging services at least at the beginning. They offer editing utilities and page templates that make setting up and using your blog MUCH easier than starting your own from scratch. Of course, if you have a VERY handy IT person around, go for it!

Anyone contemplating doing a caregiving blog should probably think about what they want out of it before they jump into the creative side of it - e.g., I wanted a blog that was both memoir and journal; I designed my page to show who my mother WAS, and who she IS, as well as showing how I felt about her. I included the trigger that caused the page, my father's death, and how it had devastated my mother. You can keep it simple, or you can be more expressive as we were. It's all up to you...

And, can you include a brief bio of yourself (age, marital status, children, careers)?

Age: 44
Marital Status: Divorced, currently in a Long-Term relationship
Children: Two - Daughter Eva 24 and Son Daniel 21. To find out more about Eva, see her blog - she is literally leaving tonight with my 3 grandsons for Iraq...
Career: I am Systems Administrator for the Office of Hearings & Appeals, Social Security Administration in Fargo, ND

For more about me, see my personal website