It is fall. The season, my mother dreaded the most. As I grew up, she always hated fall. She said that was when everything bad in her life happened. The deaths of her loved ones. She would always feel the most depressed in the fall. I can now relate. I do not like fall.
Eventide (her nursing home) called last week to say Mom had fallen out of her wheelchair. She had fallen asleep and just leaned too forward.
I still ask myself - why? Why does she linger? If it is for our sakes - why? It hurts my heart as for it to bleed when I see her. She knows us but that is the extent.
Emotions: Strong guilt - in not knowing what to do and not going every day. Sadness - in seeing her body slip away. Fear - in what is to come. It is fall.