Saturday, June 19, 2004

I sit here day after day wondering when or if I will get "that" call. Betty and Trish, do you too cringe every time the phone rings??? I hold my breath with "OH NO" sucked in wondering if it will be the nursing home calling to tell me Mom had yet one more fall and how bad is she hurt this time. Or if it will be that final call "your Mom is gone..."

One day I go see her and she is quite chipper but then I will see her and she is far away. I too wonder, like Betty, why our mothers have to leave us with these memories. Why can't we all leave this world graciously and with dignity rather than being reduced to next to a vegetable.

The worst part of all this to me and I'm sure you two also will remember some of it is the Hatred our mothers brought out for us when we had to find them care. My Mom wrote the most horrible letter to me and told every one at the nursing home horrible things about her feelings toward me. I know it is a state of mind and I suppose in her mind she was doing anything to "fight for her life" I also know it has to all be forgotten but I'm sorry the pain is very deep.

I had a wonderful childhood and she was a good mother but with the things that have now been said I wonder if for some reason she resented having me from the beginning. Just needed a little "venting" here, Sorry.