Monday, February 02, 2004

Such a sad time in our lives. The very people we could count on & turn to now passed away ( our fathers) And the one remaining now like total strangers. Our mutual Grandma aged so gracefully. She was in late 80's ( 87 or 89) When she passed away but she didn't have this memory loss of our mothers. I don't fully understand why they lost their memories like this. I kind of attributed my own mother's loss to drinking over the years. She was not an alcoholic but did have beer every day for many yrs. But since Harriet too has gone down so bad & rarely drank I can no longer feel that was the cause in my Mom. Our Aunt Irene Our mothers older sister also lost her memory like this. I am just very grateful that my Mom was able to live on her own up to the age of 90. Both of our mothers expressed such "hatred" to us for "doing this " to them and that was so hard to take when we knew we were doing good. My mother has now come to realize it was the very best I could do for her & that she now knows she could no longer live at home.

At first she claimed she was more afraid in the nursing home than she ever was in her own home But even my children can attest with me that Mom was always terrified even in her own home. She hated the dark and was so scared when nighttime came. She went on a kick for months that she was totally alone in her neighborhood. All the houses around her were empty & it terrified her. I pointed out over & over that there were cars in the driveways & lights on in the houses but the next day same story Noone else lived in her neighborhood anymore.

But now she said last week when I was with her she is glad to be in the nursing home as she isn't alone at night there. So she has adjusted very well. She swore she would never get resigned to being there but she has done very well.
But it is still sad to see her have to be there.