Wednesday, June 05, 2002
To say Mom's moods move as quickly as a butterfly is underestimating. I'm not saying that is good or bad; but due to her memory from one minute to the next literally she can be either up or down.
I just called her now 9:45 and woke her up - admitted she was not dressed yet. I am going to start calling her in the mornings and purposely check to see if she is getting up. I encouraged her today to go out with her neighbor lady for a walk around the block - it is such a beautiful day. I asked her how her appointments went and she said ok I guess. I asked her what she had done at the dentist - oh, I don't know, can't remember. I don't think she could recall the appointments if her life depended upon it. She did remember an appointment with Dr. Martindale, she said, for 2 pm today - she doesn't know what it is for though.
Bare with me here - maybe I am just blowing off some stress but...
I can't tolerate (even though I do) negative people. I hate being around them. I hate pity parties. I am 99.9% a positive person. I have always tried to tell my kids and tell others - Life is what you make it! I CHOOSE not to live in misery. Yes, I have stress. Yes, I have worries. But, life has "taught" me that you need to savor EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY - as God has richly blessed us. I love the mornings, I love the green grass, I love the sunrises and sunsets, I TAKE TIME TO APPRECIATE THEM, I love to look at trees, I love to watch clouds, I love to watch birds and insects, I love the smell of rain, I love seeing Taylor at the beginning and end of my day, I love how Bill loves me, I appreciate and thank God for a good night's sleep and for my present health (knowing years are catching up on me).
Yes, trails, tribulations and many sorrows come to each one of us over the years; but I CHOOSE TO ENJOY THE BEST OF LIFE.
Grandma Fitzpatrick always told me "Enjoy the good times because in life there are more trials and tribulations!" Recently I re-read many of her letters to me and what struck me was what a personal relationship she had with God. She was amazing.
Anyway, if it means encouraging Mom to get the car going; if it means getting the sewing machine over there in an already crowded room; then so be it. But, I WILL NOT let Mom pull me down and I will continue to have her out but I WILL NOT encourage her grieving any longer.
The end of our lives - even for Mom - is UP TO GOD.